I'll have you today, only to lose you tomorrow
by infinite infinities
Summary: Because it's Will, and after everything that has happened she still loved him. She still wanted him more than anything./Tessa and Will have an encounter in the Institute Library


This is the first story I have written for TID. Yeah, it sucks, especially the second to last paragraph but whatever. Anyway everything belongs to Cassandra Clare who is amazing.

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Tessa sat in the library, much like she did any other day. Except she wasn't really sitting in a library, at least she didn't think so. She was actually fighting battles with valiant knights and watching proper ladies fall in love at elegant balls. When she was reading a book she got lost in it, she left the world she knew and was transported somewhere else. Will was right; she did live and breathe books.

It seemed that the boy was reading her mind tonight for the second she thought of him he appeared. He was slightly out of breath with his black hair a mess and his blue eyes shining. She tried not to think about how beautiful he looks right now, and instead focused on why he is annoying her.

"William, what are you doing here?" She drew in a breath, keep calm Tessa, keep calm.

"I was merely looking for a book." He glanced around, in a manner she would have described as nervous if it was any other boy.

"Well, then you ought to find it, instead of discussing it with me." She opened up Oliver Twist and tried to lose herself in the world again; but with Will nearby it was impossible to focus on anything else.

He was standing in front of a book case, though he didn't seem to be focused on the books.

"Will, is something wrong?" She carefully marked her place and set her book down next to her on the sofa.

"Yes Tessa, everything is wrong. What is right anymore? My best friend is dying, I'm in love with the girl he's marrying and my sister has chosen to come and train as a Shadowhunter. So yes, something is indeed wrong."

She stood up and walked over to where he was standing, so close she could feel his breath.

"Will…" She started unsure what else to say. Sometimes he just seemed so desolate, like he was living far away from the rest of the world. So instead of finishing her sentence she rested her head on his shoulder and intertwined her fingers with his.

They stood there for what seemed like an eternity but in all reality were likely only a few seconds. She wished that it could have lasted forever, but that didn't seem to be the way that life worked. And in four days' time she would be walking down the aisle to marry the closest thing he had to a brother, while she was still in love with him. It didn't make sense to her. None of it did.

He pulled his hand out of hers and turned to face her. "Tessa." She could barely hear him say it over the sound of her own racing heartbeat. He pushed her hair back from her face gently. "Oh Tessa." She couldn't move, couldn't even breathe. His face was only inches away from hers now, blue eyes blazing. She was torn between her desire to run and her desire to lean forward and press her lips to his.

And then suddenly she's kissing him, or perhaps he's kissing her. It's soft at first their lips are just barely touching. As the kiss deepens and his fingers twist through her hair she realizes that it's worth it, it's worth all the longing she has felt for him, worth the guilt she'll surely feel later just to be with him. Because it's Will, and after everything that has happened she still loved him. She still wanted him more than anything.

Something hit the window in the library, and the magic was broken. Tessa's once closed eyes sprung back open and she stumbled over herself trying to get away from him. She looked back for a second when she gets to the door; he was leaning against the shelves one hand covering part of his face.

Then she ran, before he could look and see the tears in her eyes, before the guilt can fully hit her. She wanted to stay, wanted to fall asleep in his arms, wanted to make him feel whole again, but she can't. He's broken beyond repair. So instead she ran, ran and didn't look back again. Ran from guilt and fear and most of all love.

She shoved her door open and threw herself onto the waiting bed. She waited for more tears to fall, but they didn't. She could hear Jem just a few rooms down playing violin. Everything seemed to slow down.

She wakes up with a start. The dream of a long ago memory fading from her mind. The boys she loved are long dead, and she is alone. So alone.

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And this is the part where I beg for reviews. Please just tell me what you think, even if you hate it


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